A Scientific Hypothesis on the Cuteness of Toddlers

Shirt cocking flap?

See?  Random person without pants = creepy!

I think I’ve figured out why my daughter, 1 1/2 years old,  is so cute.  It’s an evolutionary protection, a way to keep her safe.

You see, if my daughter wasn’t so cute, she’d have been out on the street eons ago.  But that cuteness makes me adore all the crazy, messed-up, asshole-y stuff she does.  If toddlers, such as my Roz, weren’t cute, there’s no way adult humans would put up with all their crap and craziness.

Here are a few examples of things that my daughter can do, and get away with, because she’s cute, that would have me calling 9-1-1 on anyone else:

1. Running around without pants.

Like many toddlers/babies/young children, my daughter absolutely hates pants.   They are, in her opinion, the devil incarnate.  She is much happier running around in just a diaper (although, even the diaper can be too much at times).  With the obvious exception of women in skirts or dresses, I prefer most people in my home to be wearing pants.

2. Eating.

As a cute young thing, back in the day, my parents instilled rather strict table manners upon my siblings and me.  Things such as “Don’t talk with your mouth full,” “Chew your food before swallowing,” and “No pet porcupines at the table,” were very common.  Because of this, I’ve become very unaccepting of sub-par table manners.  Loud chewing is my most ultimate pet peeve.  And yet, when my daughter loudly smacks her lips, proclaims “Num num!” and poops in order to make room for more food, I can’t help but be flattered that someone thinks so highly of my cooking.  Anyone else would be asked, impolitely, to leave.

3.  Personal space.

My daughter is at a stage where she is very interested in body parts.  She will point to noses, and proudly declare, “Nose!”  She has mostly taken an interest in belly buttons.  This wouldn’t be a problem, but it results in shirts being lifted up much higher than most women would be comfortable with.  Uncute stranger on the street lifting up my shirt = pepper spray.  Adorable toddler on the couch lifting up my shirt = big hug.

4. Whining

Like several toddlers in the world, my daughter whines occasionally.  Having not yet fully mastered either the English or Mandarin languages, she must resort to gestures and incoherent sounds.  She’s easy to interpret- if she wants her water, for example, she’ll whine and reach for her water.  But it’s still not fun listening to whining.  Her cuteness negates about 90% of her whininess.  Anyone else would have an eye-roll thrown their way before being ignored.  Baby Roz gets whatever thing Her Royal Cuteness desires.


One response to “A Scientific Hypothesis on the Cuteness of Toddlers

  1. Pingback: They Really Will Play With Anything | Abi At Play

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